Finding What You Really Want In A Partner?

My Mother always said, “What looks good at 15 won’t look good at 25”.

“What attracts you at 30 won’t excite you at 40”. Needless to say, the older we get the more we change. What we value in a partner or deem attractive changes from elementary school to adulthood. Some may disagree and say “I’m attracted exclusively to thugs or Fem’s”. However this assessment is purely based off of superficial needs. The question is, how can I find a partner that truly fits my needs in spite of my worst instincts. For starters, you have to get one hundred with yourself. Take a seat and have a conference with your soul. Start by asking yourself; what’s important to me in a long term partner? Dig deep; avoid answers such as, someone who will treat me right. That can mean anything to a wide variety of people. Challenge yourself, how do you want to be treated? Do you want a partner who values honesty? Someone who is attentive, someone who challenges you to be /do better?

Secondly, examine previous relationships and take ownership of your shortcomings and strengths. Life has always taught me that you will continue to repeat the same variations of mistakes until you change your behavior. I had a good friend that after a bad break up would always choose a man with a hero complex. Needless to say, she always picked heroes. After they would help her through the previous relationship, they would leave her to save another. This went on and on until she took a step back and owned her behavior. Instead of letting a man save her, she saved herself. She went back to the gym, wrote in her journal to help define her own voice. She fought the urge to “Let the nice man (hero) take the pain away”. Once she did this, she was able to meet someone as her full self and not the wilted flower that heroes tend to be attracted too. As my girl Iyanla Vanzant says “When you don’t show up with who you are, people fall in love with who you are not “

Finally, learning from your past is a must. If you left a relationship where trust was an issue, try to reset your outlook on relationships before you find yourself in the arms of another. Making someone else pay for what "Tyrone" did is just another avenue to the world of self sabotage.

By doing some soul searching, I believe you can call into existence anything. However, be careful what you ask for, you just may get it and trust me, that's when the real work begins.

I want to know what you think, so hit me up, let's discuss.

Life and love can be a trip so keep your head up.

Author:Michael Drain April 9, 2012